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If Men Wrote Advice Columns



Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows that he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook him a nice meal.



Q: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clit is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time, or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this and present it to your hubby as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.


Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and fosters in a more peaceful and relaxing home environment. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (its great time to clean the house too). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.



Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously, your husband can’t get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you still aren’t sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.




Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal....




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